The Highs, Lows, Wins and Losses

It felt so good sharing my moving story with you the other day. Whenever I think about how my move happened, I’m reminded of God‘s faithfulness and kindness. Remember you're currently living one of the prayers you used to pray. I know how easy it is to get caught up in the the day to day; sometimes the blessing may seem like a burden, but always remember, how badly you once wanted what you have. Don’t get me wrong, some months I don’t feel like paying rent, but I’m so grateful that I’m able to. Whenever my mind gets to a place of complaining or forgetting the blessing, God pulls me back. Last September, I remember saying, my move is going to stretch me. I had no idea what that stretching would look like. I knew the move would be new and hard, but I might’ve made it harder by how I spoke about it. 

Today, I want to share some hurdles I had to overcome after making this move. In part one, I shared how I was waiting to move for so long, because I wanted things to be perfect. I heard peoples struggle stories about moving, and wanted to avoid that. God had other plans. I feel like there were so many hardships that came with my first year living here. Honestly, if I knew all that was coming with it, I probably wouldn’t have moved. I can honestly say with each obstacle, I’ve gotten stronger and my faith has increased. If I didn’t know God before my move, I absolutely know Him now. It’s something about going thru hardships that bring a deeper connection and understanding of who God is. Let’s recap all that I’ve encountered in these twelve months. 

Six months after moving to Atlanta, I lost my big girl job. Now let me be honest; I wasn’t doing my best. Remember when I shared that I had just won an award before I transferred? I guess I was still riding the high of that, I didn’t feel like I had to really work. I wish I could have received a formal warning, but that wasn’t the case. When I first lost my job, I didn’t share it with anyone. When it first happened, as I was driving home, I called my mom twice, but she didn’t answer. I remember, vividly, God telling me to hush. Looking back, I think the reason He wanted me to keep it to myself, was because that was a period of just Him and I. He wanted me depending 100% on Him. I’m blessed to have a mommy and grandma who are fixers, they would’ve paid my rent and other bills, even if they couldn’t. God wanted me to know that He was the one providing. I was blessed to have a bartending gig, and some other side hustles that carried me through. For three months, I went without a solid income. I didn’t miss a meal, my bills were paid, and I was able to go out with my friends. During those three months, I can honestly say I didn’t miss a beat. If I’m being honest, I hadn’t saved much of anything, so I know it was only God making ways.

Two months after loosing my job, I ended my four year relationship. Even though it was my decision to part ways, it still was very painful. I felt like it was time; we were on two different chapters. He was a good person, just not for me, at this time. This was my first time breaking up with someone. I’m a recovering people pleaser, so this was extremely hard. I struggle with trying to please other peoples wants over my own. I cared too much about how I would look, by ending things. I’ve been in therapy for two years and we’ve been actively working on my prideful people pleasing. Breaking up with him was hard, because it was a comfortable relationship. I didn’t know what was on the other side of that break up. Also, it took me a while to understand that just because someone is a great person, that doesn’t make them my person. It was hard for me to admit that I wanted more in a relationship, without caring how others viewed me. Maybe I’ll share more about that in the future, but not at this time. 

After seven weeks, I finally told my family about losing my job. They were so comforting. I ended up interviewing with a couple companies, and was offered two good positions in July. Both offers were more money than I had ever made in my life. After consulting with my parents, praying, and thinking about the best fit for me, I made my decision and started my job in August. Two weeks after starting my new job, I was fired from my bartending gig, over something so absurd. They accused me of stealing $17. At first, I was so upset, I called my mom crying. She reminded me, that I had mentioned wanting to quit or minimize my days. I wanted to quit on my own time, God let them fire me as my way out. The crazy thing is that my new job salary is more than I was making previously from my "big girl job,'' and bartending combined. Essentially, I wasn't missing out on any money, but getting fired from my bartending job, was another blow to my ego Along with the loss of two jobs, and my relationship; I also lost two of my side hustle clients for different reasons. That was about $2,750, of my income lost, in the course of a month.

Financials aside, I lost all of my wrist jewelry, in the course of eight months of me being in Atlanta. I had a two-tone diamond watch, Louis Vuitton bracelet, and a David Yurman bracelet, that all came up missing. Now the two bracelets, I lost in the airport once my bag flipped over. The watch just came up missing in my house. I know this may sound irrelevant, but after everything I faced this year, the jewelry was the cherry on top. Not to mention, I lost my diamond earrings when I went skydiving for the first time this year. It was an incredibly experience, and I would definitely do it again. As I was jumping out of the plane, I felt one of my earrings come out. On top of all of this, I encountered a narcissist for the first time and almost lost my mind. The saddest part is, I traveled the least in these last twelve months. If you know me, you know I love to travel. Once upon a time, I was traveling every weekend. I knew that would change with me moving on my own, but I still thought I would be gone, at least once a month, but that was not the case.

There were so many things that kept happening. I don’t want to make it seem like this year was all losses, I had a lot of wins too. Like I said earlier, I accepted a job that pays more than I’ve ever made, with bonus potential to earn more. I started a mini side hustle working with clients doing admin and marketing work. I got a new puppy, Saint, who brings so much joy to my life, even though he works my last nerve. My relationship with God has grown; especially after I completed my first 40 day Daniel fast. As far as the blog, this past year was the best year for our annual fast; per feedback from you guys. My relationships with my friends have evolved and I’ve learned to show up better. I worked on my people pleasing, I’m not 100% better, but I’ve started saying no and it’s been freeing. I faced my fears and went skydiving. I said earlier, I haven’t traveled as much, but I did take one international trip to Panama with my mom this year. Back in February, I was in New York for a baby shower, and went to the Sherri Shepherd show, by myself. I ended up sitting front row and being on TV. I had a really good conversation with her producer, and it was really inspiring. I’ve been to more basketball games in these last twelve months than my entire life. I went to some great networking events and meet some amazing women, I used to look up to. Being in these rooms has been so motivating, you know your network is your net worth. I used to only go to church on Sunday, but I’ve gotten more involved with my church. I started trying random things and being ok not being great at it; including scorekeeping karate matches, kick boxing, dance classes, new content, and more. My relationship with my grandfather has been restored and we've grown so close. That’s not even half of the great things I’ve been able to do in these twelve months. 

Overall, there’s been more good than bad my first year year living back in Atlanta. I can’t explain how much I’ve grown in just twelve months. I know I keep saying this was my hardest year, but I learned so much. Every loss I faced, came with a lesson. Each obstacle I had to overcome this year, made me into the woman I am today. My friend called me after reading part one and said, “I didn’t know you were having your hardest year friend, I know you lost your job, but I couldn’t tell it was hard for you.” That’s a testament of how God was carrying me thru that time. When I hear the song, “Firm Foundation” by Maverick City, it’s a testament to my relationship with God. There’s a line that says, “I've still got joy in chaos, I’ve got peace that makes no sense. So I won't be going under, I’m not held by my own strength.” This one line describes how my first year living alone was. I clung to my foundation, and with every storm, I drew closer to God.

I don’t harp on the losses much, I just wanted to share the rollercoaster I’ve been on, to help you. People look at my life and think it’s perfect, but it’s not. I hope my story encourages you to have a foundation that's unshakeable, no matter what storm you face. I lost a lot this year, but between my foundation in Christ, and my support system with family/close friends, I didn’t lose my mind. Tomorrow, I’ll share twelve lessons I learned by living back in Atlanta.